Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Christmas Card in the Theme of My Mother-in-Law

* Before I begin, anyone who does not know my mother-in-law may not understand my blog. She is a nice, God-fearing woman. She is also an obesely overweight diabetic who eats more sweets in a setting than I would in a week. She's loud and imparts her viewpoints without a hesitation. And her highlighted personality trait is that nothing.... absolutely nothing is a secret. Straight-forward and succinct, she will tell you ALL about her health problems ranging from a kidney stone caught in her urethra (yes, that made this year's Christmas card!) to her arteries like a 20 year-old due to a heart cath (that made last year's Christmas card). So, in honor of my dear mother-in-law... my Christmas card in the theme of my mother-in-law (with similiar grammatical errors, as she would have written them). Without further ado...

Greetings one and all! We hope you are well and looking forward to the holidays! It's been cold and icy here, so Randy and I usually stay home on days like this. Although, I stay home all the time because I don't have a job.
This year, I'm still in school. Seems like I've been in school forever, doesn't it? I know Randy thinks I'm worthless since I can't help our financial situation. Sometimes I don't think this degree will be worth it. I saw what I'd be making in schools down here, and $37,600 a year just doesn't seem like very much for a master's degree. As for my health, I've been doing okay. I don't have any health insurance because it's too expensive to put me on Randy's plan. And because I don't have a job, I can't afford any.
As for Randy, he quit Farmers. He hated it so much. He couldn't stand to be there one more second. So, he's a claims adjuster for an auto body shop in Missouri. He likes it, although he took a $5,000 pay cut. Randy's also been in a band. He is the MC and lead singer. They call themselves the Mississippi Mud Ducks... sounds like a country band doesn't it? It's anything but! They play all sorts of rock music. I was hoping they played Christian songs, but they play ACDC and other rock music like that. I've heard them play and they are good. I don't say that because I'm prejudice. I've heard it from other people too! Randy is thinking about going back to get his Masters in Teaching. I hope he does it, but it would put us more in debt.
Sophie and Henry are still alive and kicking. Although, Sophie's had a lot of health problems lately. She's had two ulcers in her eye which are just like cuts in her eye. We have to hold her down to put eye salve in one or two times a day. She fights us every time. She also had issues with her bowel movements. Sometimes we have to take her into the vet, so the vet can clear her anal juices. Henry is doing fine. He sits at home and lays around most of the day. The only good thing about it is he is quiet. He doesn't snore like Sophie does. And he doesn't have the medical problems like Sophie does.
All of us sincerely hope you and yours have a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS and a Joyous and Prosperous 2009.

Jenna & Randy, Sophie & Henry


Mandi said...

You're killing me. Seriously, why didn't you send this out? The entire world would like to know about Sophie's anal juices. Too funny.

AH said...

oh my god, you had me at anal juices...